I’ve recently had some encounters with subs who don’t seem to know what it means to serve a Domme online. I admit that I don’t have the perfect definition of an online D/s relationship, and it does vary as do personalities of the participants. However, I think there are a few rules that apply, regardless:
1. Do your research. One constant frustration is guys who contact Me without even bothering to look at My Twitter, clip stores, website, or My tumblr. I have no idea where they found Me, but they don’t seem to know anything about Me. If you start by asking Me a question to which you could have easily found the answer, I will immediately write you off as a time-waster. The other day someone sent Me an e-mail telling Me where he lives & asking if I live near him. He lives nowhere near Me, and My location is plainly listed on My Twitter profile. First of all, I find it disrespectful to show such blatant disregard for My time. Secondly, do you have so little respect for yourself that you are willing to put your emotional & physical well-being into the hands of someone about whom you know nothing? Being a sub does not mean being careless. I can “train” a sub, but I cannot teach common sense.
Do some cursory research. Take a look at My Twitter profile & My clip stores and website at least. I don’t expect you to know everything about Me. That would be very creepy. And I do enjoy the “getting to know you” portion of the relationship. However, know that if you ask Me “Where do you live?” “Can I take you out for drinks tonight?” or “Do you do chastity?” I will simply ignore you.
2. Approach with respect. I receive too many e-mails from guys who are disrespectful. While I believe in “training,” I do not waste time teaching common courtesy. If you send Me a DM that simply says “hi,” I will ignore you, and you will have a hard time coming back from that one. Tell Me who you are & why you are contacting Me. Don’t expect Me to go back & forth with you in an attempt to draw out your purpose. It won’t happen, especially not for free.
If you send Me an e-mail, at least do Me the courtesy of addressing Me by name or with a title. I realize that we live in a digital world, a world of modern conveniences, and that those conveniences have led to a general lack of manners. Yet manners & respect are paramount to the D/s relationship. We all wear different hats, even I. If you are talking to your buddy it’s perfectly acceptable to send an e-mail that assumes he knows who you are, and which doesn’t really contain a point. If you’re e-mailing the woman who you want to be your future Domme, keep in mind that first impressions are important. Approach with respect, and state your purpose succinctly.
3. Expect to serve. If you approach Me with the stated intention of serving, you should expect to SERVE and not to BE SERVED. Too many times, I’m approached by “subs” who aren’t subs at all. They are fetishists approaching under the title “sub”. I respect fetishes for knowing what they are. Guys buy clips from Me all the time, and request customs from Me, who are not “subs.” They may like to fantasize about being submissive, and they may even have some submissive tendencies, but they’re not interested in serving Me. That’s fine. I converse with them in the appropriate manner, and I don’t expect anything from them (other than common respect). I won’t ignore you just because you’re not offering loyalty.
But if you’re approaching AS a sub, you should expect to serve in some way. Serving Me, for the most part, involves a financial obligation. Am I a “financial Domme”? No. However, as there’s very little else you can do for Me ONLINE, I do expect to benefit financially from our interaction. So if you have zero interest in buying clips, commissioning custom clips, or tributing through gifts or money, then what else is there for you to do FOR ME? How is it that you think you can serve ME?
If you are polite, are willing to put forth your share of effort, and know what it takes to serve, I look forward to hearing from you.