I’m writing this post because whenever I mention on Twitter that a particular comment has offended me, or that I don’t like something that was said to me, I always have at least a few guys saying that’s why they don’t interact with me. Honestly, those comments are almost as offensive because, in my mind, they imply that I’m a wildcard, getting offended at random things, and that fans have to tread carefully. On the other hand, I can’t expect you to know what my preferences are if I don’t express them. So you’ll find those preferences at the bottom of this post, spelled out very clearly. If it’s too much trouble to learn about the people with whom you’re initiating interaction, that’s totally fine, but don’t be surprised if we don’t reciprocate in a way that you find pleasing.
I put myself out in the public eye, and that means making myself vulnerable. I also realize that it’s confusing for some “fans” that I am a dominant woman but I also make xxx porn. I would love to go into why that’s confusing for people, but it’s really a deeper issue than I think can be addressed in a short blog post. Also, I’m just not going to change the world’s perception of porn performers in one post. It would be a pointless endeavor, and I’m not interested in wasting my time on ineffectual action.
What I can do, however, is tell you how I prefer my fans interact with me. You can either respect my wishes, or not, but know that I DO have preferences.
Before delving into that, understand that I DO like to interact with my fans. I love, even more, to interact with actual customers who are supporting my work through purchasing the content that I make, ordering custom clips, and tributing. Customers are my patrons, and I appreciate you so much.
Why do I mention the difference between customers and fans? I’ve offended a lot of people talking about this topic on Twitter. Guys who never buy porn really do seem to believe that I should be willing to interact with them endlessly and show how flattered I am that they are complimenting me. I even had one guy get super offended & go on a crusade to get me banned from Twitter simply because I suggested that if he was going to leave a comment on every single one of my tweets (which I have to take the time to read), that he consider purchasing ONE clip from me to show his support. The whole argument started because he posted a link to my pirated content. I didn’t even ask him to remove the post; I simply asked him to watch my porn for free on a site where I post the porn for free myself & receive a small amount of ad revenue, rather than the site to which he’d posted a link. It was mind-boggling, and yet these interactions happen more frequently than you might think.
When I refer to “fans” vs “customers” I’m making the distinction between the people who love to watch my porn & the people who pay for my porn. The two DO overlap. This is a difficult language issue because in the portion of the porn world where models are being hired by companies to star in films, those stars seem to go after the numbers. Their fans request them for scenes, and in turn the companies might hire them back more frequently. Porn stars don’t make residual income on their scenes. They make a flat rate for a scene, and being hired for scenes is how they make their money. That’s different than someone like myself who relies on SALES on my scenes to make my income. (Yes, porn stars are too affected by sales, piracy, etc., but not as directly as those who produce their own content.) So I know a lot of fans are coming from a place where they’re all treated equally by porn stars who have no way to know who’s financially supporting the companies for whom they work.
I, on the other hand, often know who’s finally supporting my work & who’s watching it for free but then demanding my time & attention (again, for free).
Am I flattered that there are millions of people who watch my porn? YES. I LOVE that you guys love me. It’s awesome. I appreciate your kind words whether or not you’re paying. But the hundreds of guys who are supporting my work are the ones who hold a special place in my heart. And honestly, I can usually see a distinct difference in how “fans” interact with me vs how “customers” interact with me on social media. Fans who are customers seem to be more invested & more interested in me as a person & performer rather than just seeing me as a body getting fucked.
The guys who don’t pay for my porn tend to be a lot more crude & graphic in their comments, often disregarding my feelings. The ones who do support my work tend to be much more respectful of me as a feeling & thinking human being. Of course there are exceptions. There are plenty of men who never spend a penny on my work who are very respectful. And there are customers who get caught up in the fantasy & inadvertently offend me while trying so hard to be complimentary. However, the majority of the people who I enjoy interacting with on Twitter are those who value what I do enough to pay for it. They are the ones who are actually supporting me & whose purchases allow me to continue to do what I love so dearly.
I guess I should get around to what I really mean to say. This topic has so many subtopics reaching into so many areas that I could go on all week, but I’ll get to the point.
If you’re interacting with me, I have preferences. I’m a human being with feelings, and I can get offended. It’s perfectly reasonable.
What I don’t like:
I do not EVER want to see your penis if you’re not paying to show it to me & doing it within the context of a prearranged paid encounter. If you show it to me without my consent, that is a violation. If your genitals are in your avatar or header, or if you tweet them at me, I will block you.
I receive dozens of messages every day from men commenting on how they want to fuck me, want me to suck their dick, or detailing what they would do to me. I find that behavior repulsive. I assure you, regardless of how good you think your dick is or how charming you think you are, I do not want to hear about it. I realize that this is often perfectly-acceptable behavior when interacting with a “porn performer”. I’m telling you I don’t like it.
I also receive a lot of inquiries about how you can be in a scene with me. I am still completely baffled as to why this question is posed so frequently. There are VERY few porn stars who do “fuck a fan” contests or who allow their fans to shoot with them. Also, I’m not them. I would never do this. Plus, hello, you can clearly see that my husband is the only man I film with. I have no intention of changing that, and even if I did change it, I guarantee you will not be the person I choose to include in a scene. It’s been explained to me that some men believe I should be flattered by these comments, but I’m not. I can’t change how I feel.
I do not want to be referred to as: bitch, slut, whore, cocksucker, thick, fat, just to name a few things. A safe rule of thumb is: If a woman doesn’t refer to herself by a certain word, don’t use it to describe her. It’s all about consent. I don’t go around referring to men with certain descriptors without their consent.
What I will tolerate:
Though I don’t really “like” it, there are a few things I will tolerate because I realize that in the context of porn, they are generally acceptable. The one thing that comes to mind is when guys explicitly describe & compliment my genitals.
You’ll be able to tell I don’t really like it because I will ignore you. I won’t block you, but I will probably mute you, especially if you’re commenting on many tweets in such a fashion.
What I like:
I love compliments on my scenes that are a less explicit, like “Your butt is so amazing” or “I love the way you move” or “You’re so sexy.” You can tell I like the comments because I will “heart” them on Twitter or possibly even respond to or RT the comments.
Even better are compliments on the quality of my content, my sensuality, and my intellect. There’s nothing that makes me happier than a guy who can appreciate how much work I put into my scenes or how I use my intellect to make my porn more appealing. (I do realize that not everyone is attracted to a woman’s intellect.)
All that said, do I expect you to care about my preferences? NOPE. I absolutely do not expect people to care about me, what I like, or my feelings. However, as with ANY interpersonal interaction, if you want to be well-received & have the most positive experience possible, it helps to know a little about the person with whom you’re interacting. If you violate my consent, it you offend me, or if you do something that I consider to be rude, I have every right to limit or eliminate your ability to further interact with me.
If you’ve gotten all the way through this blog post, thank you. It likely means that you care about learning about me. I love that. If you got all the way through it & are left with the impression that I’m too sensitive, that’s okay. I AM sensitive. That’s a part of who I am; it shapes me & informs my decisions. I have a lot of opinions, and that’s also part of who I am. If you want to see me as just a fuckdoll throwing her genitals around on camera for your enjoyment, that’s perfectly acceptable. If you want to see me as a disembodied mouth & pussy, well alright then. I can’t control what you think, or your preferences, or how you choose to view women. If it takes you too much out of the fantasy to view me as a thinking, feeling, intelligent human being, then you’re welcome to continue to watch videos & stay in that fantasy without interacting with me. But the truth is, it’s just a fantasy. Every single man & woman in this industry is a three-dimensional entity, full of fears, hopes, dreams & opinions. It just happens to be part of my persona that I allow myself to express who I really & truly am as an individual. If you read all of this & aren’t made uncomfortable by me expressing my want & need to be treated a certain way, then I commend you. You, sir, are awesome & I’m so grateful to have you as a fan and/or customer.